Secrets
by STEVERANDLE'STWIN
Summary: Many secrets are meant to be told. Others are meant to stay in the dark. What if you had a secret that  should be told, but you didn't have the strength to tell it?     Disclaimer: I dont own the Outsiders. They rightfully belong to S.E. Hinton.
1. Chapter 1

The Curtis brothers had just sat down to eat, when Steve and Two-Bit came running inside, the door slamming shut behind them. Two-Bit reached around Ponyboy, and snatched up a piece of the chicken that was prepared. He just grinned at them and wolfed it down. With a slight chuckle, they all dished out plate fulls. Darry's plate however, seemed to have the least on it. Ponyboy noticed it, but decided to keep his mouth shut about it, not wanting to stir up trouble. Soda on the other hand, noticed it, and started asking questions, right off the bat.

"You okay Darry? Your not eating much tonight, you haven't been eating much at all these days.", he asked curiously. All eyes drifted over to him and Darry. "I'm fine little buddy, just not very hungry.", he replied quickly. As if he wanted the questions and attention gone. Soda didn't look convinced, at all. Mainly because, all of them ate like horses. It was rare when one of them didn't eat much. So it rose concern over them. The truth was, Darry didn't really want to eat. At all. His appetite was lost over the weeks of longer work, so he wasn't ever hungry.

It was starting to take a toll on his body though. His clothes had become bigger, his skin was paler, he would get cold easily, or have heat flashes, even fall completely silent. Only speaking when spoken to. Everybody noticed, but kept it to themselves, they didn't really know what was going on. After a short period of time, everybody was full and the table was cleared. Soda and Steve were falling into their usual game of poker, Two-Bit was watching Mickey Mouse, and Ponyboy had his nose in a book, nothing out of the ordinary. Except for the fact, that Darry had excused himself to go outside, for a walk. Not wanting to take the risk of getting caught.

As Darry walked down the road, toward a place he only knew about, his body grew tense and his throat tightened. A sickening feeling in his stomach. He knew that he had to get the food that he had just ate, out of his stomach, and out of his body. Before the feeling of regret and hatred towards himself set it. Taking its own toll on him, physically and mentally.


	2. Chapter 2

As Darry round the corner of the street, the feelings began to set it. More heavily than usual. Taking a slow breath of the cold night air, he tried to relax, tried to push the feelings back and out of his body. The more he tried, the more the feelings seemed to grow. The deeper set the feelings became. Darry walked the final few blocks, until he came to a section of the side roads that were completely abandoned. They were unused and never traveled on anymore. A short distance ahead of him, was where he wanted to be. It was a small section of woods, that linked to the roads. Exactly where he wanted to be.

His footsteps seemed to slow, as he approached the section of the woods. With a firm push from his mind, he continued the walk forward. He walked far into the woods, until he knew that he could not be seen. Darry leaned back against the trunk of a tree, and closed his eyes, letting his mind do all the talking inside of him. His mind brought him back to all the fights that he has had with Ponyboy. _Your the reason he ran away. If you hadn't caused him to run away in the first place, Johnny and Dally would have still been alive. What would your parents have thought if you struck him like that while they were around? They wouldn't be proud of you, they've turned their backs to you. And for this, you'll suffer as well. _

Darry let the feelings of regret and self hatred rise beyond his control. With his mind racing, only causing more, he shoved his finger down his throat. His body lurched forward slightly, as he let the food he had just ate leave his body. He continued to let it all out, until nothing more than water was coming out. With an empty stomach, and a silenced mind, he turned and started his walk out of the woods and back onto the roads that led home.

When Darry finally walked back inside, nothing seemed to have changed. Soda and Steve were still playing poker, Ponyboy was reading, and Two-Bit, well, he was laying upside down on the couch, still watching Mickey Mouse. Ponyboy looked up from his book. "How was your walk?" , he asked. Darry flashed him a smile. "Good, had time to clear my head, which is pretty easy for you to do.", he teased. Ponyboy playfully threw a pillow at him, which he caught and threw straight back at him. Darry looked at the clock, noticing the time. _I must have been gone longer than I thought. _He thought to himself silently.

"Ponyboy, Sodapop, get to bed, you've got school and Soda's got work.", he ordered. A low groan was heard from the kitchen, obviously coming from Soda. "What about you, you have work tomorrow?", Soda asked. "Where do you think I'm headed, after I make sure you two get to bed?", Darry replied quickly. Soda just grinned and followed Ponyboy back the hall, as Two-Bit and Steve fought over who gets the couch._ Maybe I'll get control back over it tomorrow. _Thought Darry silently to himself, as he walked back to his room, after making sure that Steve and Two-Bit got settled. 


	3. Chapter 3

Morning rolled around way too quickly for everyone's liking. Sodapop and Ponyboy dragged themselves out of bed, and trudged into the kitchen. Where Darry had already prepared their breakfast, making nothing for himself. Both boys began to eat, as Two-Bit and Steve hauled themselves into the kitchen. They both cut large pieces of cake and dug right into them. Soda raised a questioning eye at Darry, who was finishing his second cup of coffee. "Your not eating, you hardly ate anything last night?", asked Soda. Darry lowered his mug back down to the counter top. "Not hungry Sodapop, trust me.", Darry replied quickly. The boys all continued to eat in lingering silence, until Steve looked at the clock. "We're gonna be late, lets go Soda, your gonna be late too Darry.", he added in as he rushed to the door with Soda following league.

Darry pulled on his jacket and turned to face Two-Bit, who was finishing his second piece of cake. Followed by a long gulp of a freshly opened beer. "Make sure he gets to school, on time today.", ordered Darry sternly. Two-Bit just waved him off. "No worries Darry-boy, I'll get him there on time, now get out of here, your gonna be late.", he added in just as quickly, before Darry could add anything else in. All three boys ran outside and jumped into Darry's truck, as they sped off down the road.

After dropping both Soda and Steve off at the DX, Darry finally arrived at work. Putting the truck in park, and grabbing his tool belt, he walked over to join the others. Who from his point, were arguing over where to start. When he got sick of the arguing, Darry cut in quickly. "Start from the back tail end, its the weakest, could use a lot of work.", he said quickly. Both co-workers looked at each other and nodded in agreement. He followed them over and picked up twice the amount of roofing than he knew he could handle. But with some of his needed strength, he hauled it all up the ladder and set to work.

Many hours passed before the sun finally reached its highest peek. It was now shinning directly down on everybody's bare backs. Just making the work move slower because of all of the heat. As Darry made his fifth travel back up the ladder, his head started to spin. He was getting dizzy and light headed, but shook it off just as quickly as it had started, completely ignoring it. Darry looked up at the sun before setting back to work, working faster than before. Eager to get this job finished.

When he finished his section, and was about to start his way back down the ladder, his head started to spin and he became light headed again. Even worse than before. Darry took a swaying step backwards, trying to regain balance, as his vision turned black. He took another step back, and it wasn't until one of his co-workers shouted his name, that he realized what he had done. "Darrel!", came the shocked shout.


	4. Chapter 4

When Darry opened his eyes, he was laying on his back in a hospital bed, bright lights flashing over him. As he tried to sit up, pain shot through his entire body, making him release a sharp hiss. Laying back down again, he watched as Dr. Hynes walked into the room, his chart in his hands. "Glad to see your awake, you gave us all quite a scare there. We thought you had slipped into a coma with that fall you took.", explained Dr. Hynes. "What happened? All I remember is falling.", asked Darry curiously. Dr. Hynes examined his chart briefly, before locking eyes with Darry. "Your body became dehydrated, and was unable to support you while you worked in the sun all day, the longer you worked out there pushing your body past it's limits, the more dehydrated it got.", he explained slowly.

"Thats what caused me to get dizzy?", asked Darry. Dr. Hynes nodded slowly and shortly. "Not only was it from loss of hydration, it was from the loss of nutrients in your body.", he explained calmly. Darry just nodded slowly, avoiding Dr. Hyne's eyes as much as he could. But Dr. Hynes wasn't finished yet. "I have just a few more questions I would like to ask you, if you don't mind.", he continued. "Go ahead.", replied Darry quickly. Just wanting to get this over with. "Are you eating properly at home, enough to support your body?", asked Dr. Hynes. "Yes, I'm eating enough to support my body, enough to give me energy." replied Darry. _Lie. _"Are you drinking enough fluids, enough water?", he asked. Darry gave him a mere nod before replying, "As much as I can". _Another lie._ Dr. Hynes looked up from what he was writing.

"It shows here on your chart that you have lost a large amount of weight, are you keeping the food and water down?", he asked. His tone changed to a more serious tone. "Im keeping everything down, the weight loss is from extra shifts at work.", replied Darry just as quickly. _Three is the charm. _But Dr. Hynes still was not finished. "When we took you in for X-Rays, one of our Nurses noted about the slight deterioration of your esophagus, or your throat. That only happens with excessive vomiting. I know that you told me that you are keeping everything down, but do to the weight loss and to the deterioration of your esophagus, I have no choice but to ask, if you have an eating disorder? Main eating disorder of Bulimia.", asked Dr. Hynes.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own the Outsiders. They rightfully belong to the famous author S.E. Hinton.

In just that split second Darry's entire body went rigid; his mind was racing a mile a minute. _How could he think something like that? I didn't do anything wrong to my body. This isn't hurting me; it's not something wrong to do. Play it cool, maybe he'll let it go. _Dr. Hynes looked into Darry's timid eyes as if he were looking down into his soul, for a brief second he saw a flash of nervousness. He knew he struck a nerve, now he just had to get him to open up, ask the right questions and he'll open up like an unlatched door. **Let's get this started**, thought Dr. Hynes.

Dr. Hynes slid a chair up to the side of the hospital bed, Darry propped himself up on his elbows and turned over onto one side to watch him with curious eyes. He watched dreadfully as Dr. Hynes flipped to a clean page at the back of his chart, knowing very well that page would most likely be handed off to somebody else. Most likely somebody who knew exactly how his mind worked and how to handle cases like this. When the soft click of the pen was heard in the deep silence in the room, each of them knew it was now or never. It could either be "Don't Ask Don't Tell" or "Open Up and Let It Flow". Time to choose for yourself.

_**Don't you dare open up to him! He'll try to take me away from you! You won't last a day without me! You're not strong enough! Without me, where do you think you're going to be?! You'll screw up on everything, including your meals and weight! You'll get FAT, FAT, and FAT!**_ Both Ana and Mia seemed to be screaming at him from all sides, he knew they were right but a certain part of him deep down questioned their rules and regulations. He often questioned their sadistic promises, but lost that battle with no chance of a return. He knew he couldn't win a battle against Ana or Mia; they controlled his life, his every shallow breath. They came to him when he was at his lowest and when he thought he was fine. They both promised that he would like their "ideas" and "perspectives of thinness".

"I'm just going to ask you a few questions, okay? You don't have to answer them all; you can answer any of them on your own free-will.", asked Dr. Hynes. With a firm breath, Darry locked eyes with the older man and gave him a faint nod. "Go ahead.", was the only easy answer that would come out of Darry's mouth. "When was the last time you've eaten, son?", Dr. Hynes asked him. _**"You better lie through your teeth!", **_screamed Mia loudly. "I ate the day before yesterday. I haven't had time to eat yet today.", replied Darry as his jaw seemed to clench. _**"You can do better than that! Make him believe you!", **_screamed Ana demandingly. "I was feeling a bit sick to my stomach, I knew not to push it, so I didn't eat those few days. I just pushed in a lot more fluids.", he added in quickly, but not too quickly. It would all be over if he answered too fast and too controlled.

"Do you have any certain foods that you avoid? Any that you would make very certain to keep out of your diet?", he asked him carefully. Darry answered him as calmly as he could, "I only cut foods high in fats and sugars out of my diets. I keep all the safe foods and disregard the others." He watched as the doctor wrote everything down on that single sheet of white paper. "And these 'safe foods' can you describe them for me? Give me a basic list of what it is you consider 'safe'?", asked Dr. Hynes. Darry fell silent and started to think about it, a mental list running through his head. _Nothing canned or cooked. No bread, meats, or poultry, nothing high in fats, sugars, or sodium. Raw foods only, vegetables and fruit. No sugary drinks, just water or a small sports drink. _

"Darrel? Are you alright?", he asked cautiously. Darry snapped back into reality and reached for the paper in the doctor's hands, starting to write down everything he relayed in his head. _**"What are you doing?! Are you crazy?! If you tell him that you'll be slipping up! You're letting him get into your head! Make him pry the answers out of you!", **_screamed Mia as he handed the paper back to Dr. Hynes. He watched intently and closely at the doctor's expression as he read over the words on the paper, realization slowly seeped into his mind. **This kid has a dangerous, restricting diet. I'm surprised he hasn't been in here before for malnutrition, even though he does look pretty boney for his height and weight. **The doctor thought this silently to himself, hoping that his face didn't give way to what he was thinking.

"Have you ever thought about forcing yourself to purge after meals, or have you done it already?", asked Dr. Hynes. It was a few slow minutes before Darry even considered answering him, knowing damn straight right now was the time to lie. "No. I haven't thought about it and I've never done it.", replied Darry as he kept his voice calm but firm. _**"There you go, your finally starting to get the hang of it.",**_ praised Ana, her voice was sly and cunning. He inwardly smiled to himself, but made sure it never showed on his face; he was thinking his plan of getting out of this was easily falling into place. That was until Dr. Hynes spoke, and what he said shook Darry to his core. "I'm going to give this paper to one of the daily nurses who work in Psychology. I'll recommend to her to set up an appointment with you, it will just be to talk; nothing will leave that room. I suggest you see her weekly.", he said. _**"You wouldn't even think of that, would you? You wanted it all, now you have it all. We're everything you need.", **_both girls chorused in his mind. __


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own the Outsiders. They rightfully belong to S.E. Hinton. I only own this idea.

"Would you like me to call one of your brothers to have them come and get you?", asked Dr. Hynes as he walked back into the room. "No, thank you, Sir. I have my truck in the parking lot at work, so I'll walk down there and grab it and then just drive home.", explained Darry as he sat up after the Nurse took the IV out of his arm. "I wrote up a nutritional diet for you that will help keep you healthy while adding in the foods that your diet needs.", explained the man as he handed him a paper with the guide on it. The younger man folded up the paper and slid it into the back pocket of his jeans before he slid on his work boots and laced them up. "I'll have the secretary give you a call to let you know when your appointment is.", explained Dr. Hynes as he nodded at the man before he led him out of the room and down to the Nurse's station where he could check himself out. _**"You wont be using that diet, he's just trying to make you fat. We know the diet you need and nobody is going to change that.", **_said Mia. _**"You'll barely be putting an ounce of food into your body from now on.",**_ ordered Ana with a sense of determination in her voice.

Darry bit his bottom lip and signed himself out of the Hospital; on his way out he threw the nutritional diet paper into the trashcan. _I won't be needing that at all, Ana and Mia know what they're doing and it's working. _He walked down the road and let the sun warm his body as the cool air of the wind blew through his hair, when he reached the work site he saw Sodapop and Steve leaning against his old truck. "What are you two doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?", asked Darry as he walked over to the truck and leaned against the side of the hood. "We got a call from one of the guys working with you that you fell of the roof and got knocked out, so we left early and waited here for you. Are you okay?", asked Sodapop as he walked over to his older brother. "I'm fine, Pepsi-Cola. It was just because of a little dehydration.", explained the oldest teen as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Superman managed to knock himself out? I thought you were as strong as a brick wall?", teased Steve as he looked over at the man.

The oldest of the trio made a move to grab him but Steve dodged his attempt with a good natured laugh and a smirk. Darry couldn't help but grin at the smaller boy and ruffle his younger brother's hair before he opened the door of the truck and gestured for them to get in. "Unless you feel like walking all the way back, get your butt in the truck, Randal.", said Darry as he started up the truck and put it into gear just as the boy in question jumped in beside his best friend. "You wouldn't make me walk, you love me and you know it.", said Steve as he shut the door just as the oldest teen drove drown the road. "You wish.", said the oldest teen. "You love us all and you know it.", added in Sodapop as he nudged his older brother with his elbow. "Yeah. Yeah.", replied Darry as he drove them all home just as Two-Bit came loping up the driveway. "Hey, Dar, Sodapop, Steven.", said Two-Bit with a good natured smirk on his face. "Don't call me Steven.", said Steve as he glared over at the teen in the Mickey Mouse shirt. _Here we go. _

"Steven. Steven. Steven.", chanted Two-Bit as he waved his arms in the air. In the next second the boy in question shot out of the truck and lunged himself at the other, taking them both down to the dirt covered driveway. "Steve'll have him down in a minute.", said Sodapop as he got out of the truck. "Naw, I'm betting my own on Two-Bit. He may be a little drunk but he knows how to use his own weight.", said Darry as he turned the truck off and got out. "Wanna make a bet? This weeks chores are on you if Steve wins, and on me if Two-Bit wins.", explained Sodapop as he held out his hand. "If they both tire out before then, we split them.", said Darry as he shook his little brother's hand in agreement. Ponyboy walked out of the house and smiled when he layed his eyes on the two wrestling gang members before he layed his eyes on his big brothers.

"Dar, can you come help me with English? Oh, and Steve won.", said Ponyboy as he gestured towards the boys. Steve had pinned Two-Bit to the ground successfully and was now sitting on his chest to hold him in place. "Damn.", muttered Darry as he walked into the house, hearing Sodapop cheering from behind him. "What's that all about?", asked Ponyboy as he walked to the kitchen table where he had his homework spread out everywhere. "Sodapop just lost a week of chores and I gained them.", explained Darry with a smile as he sat down beside his youngest brother at the table. "Didn't you learn not to bet against him yet?", teased Ponyboy as he nudged the older boy. "Apparently not.", replied the oldest teen as he grinned and tickled his little brother until he damn near fell out of the chair onto the floor. _**"Enjoy the fun while it lasts.", **_said both Ana and Mia in a sort of deep chanting way.


End file.
